Game of Thrones 6x5: The Door
This seems like a banner year for the Stark Family, what with Bran making his return after a season absent, and Sansa finally operating as an individual, rather than a pawn on Little Finger's game. Meanwhile, Theon Greyjoy, who lived with the Starks his entire life, has shed captivity from Ramsay and Arya is...well, training, for the 15th consecutive episode in a row.
Whenever Bran isn't viewing the past, he is sitting in a cave talking to some oddly attractive vegetable women. These are the children of the forest, which seems like a poor name for a group that lives North of the Wall, where there are no trees to be found, save for one inside a cave. Well, it turns out that these green nymphs are actually very old, and were afraid of man. So, through the magic of shoving dragonglass into a guy's chest cavity, they were able to create the White Walkers. It was a good time to reveal the White Walker backstory, as they are quickly becoming the largest antagonistic force in Westeros, so it is good to make them somewhat more 3-dimension than ice zombies.
Luckily, the White Walkers cannot return to the Cave to hug their mothers and do their dirty laundry, before slaughtering them, because magic. But, curious little Bran has to wake up in the middle of the night and grab an old man's root. First hinted at in the episode with the Red Keep, Bran's journeys to the past are less visions, as they are actual time travel. It seems the Three-Eyed Raven was right in making the lessons brief, as the longer they stay, the more chance they have of influencing the past. This time, Bran seems to travel in space, rather than time, right to where the White Walker army is chilling.. Well, Bran unintentionally get's touched by the Night's King, which so happens to be the one loophole that allows the White Walkers to enter the secret cave.
In a last ditch effort to give Bran the knowledge he needs to be the future Three Eyed Raven, the current one takes him back to Winterfell one more time. While we get a little more about Bran's ancestors, it appears the true purpose of the final trip was to show Bran that he does have the power to influence the past. In a shocking chase scene, all of Bran's allies go down, save for Meera. In a tearjerking ending, we learn that Hodor's speech impediment was the result of Bran warging into him during his childhood, as he collapses into a seizure repeating the line "Hold the door! Hold door! Hod...or...!" His sacrifice, as well as those of the Three Eyed Raven, the Children of the Forest, and even Summer the direwolf, will not be in vain.
Arya, though, gets to finally go on a mission, scouting out a woman who she is tasked with murdering. We get to see a short play recounting the events of the first few seasons, as the free people of Bravos laugh at the foreign monarchy. The portrayals are all quite off, with Tyrion being portrayed as a lusty, scoundrel, and Joffrey being a push over, though they did manage to capture his whininess quite well. This scene also shows us our mandatory pair of breasts, but also, they throw a little man meat in there. For a while, people have been complaining about the female to male genital ratio being a million to zero, but I don't think a warty penis was what they were hoping for.
Sansa, finally with Brienne at her side, has come into a position of power. Confronting Little Finger, she finally sees him for the conniving, puppet master he is and speaks her mind. Little Finger offers his army, which she declines, but also tells herof another army in Riverrun that she may be able to sway to her side.
Jon continues to brood, but is willing to lead the Wildling Army to fight for Winterfell. He has adopted Davos as an advisor, and the two seek to slowly rally more Northern houses to their cause. Unfortunately, he is still a bastard, so it is now Sansa who will have to lead the Starks in their homecoming campaign. With both Davos and Melisandre at their sides, it seems the Starks have slipped into the old role of Stannis Baratheon, who recently died trying to retake Winterfell.
Meanwhile, Sansa's first husband Tyrion is taking a more political approach in his new role, as he seeks to have the Red Priestes act as Daenerys's spokespeople. We get to a new Red Priest, who challenges Varys to a dick measuring contest, and wins, by recounting his castration story. There have been so many Eunuch mentions this season, and especially this episode. It has totally distracted people fun of dwarves.
Speaking of eunuchs, Theon gained his sister's loyalty, when he verbally backed her for the position as the new Ruler of the Iron Islands. But, Euron Greyjoy decides to admit to murdering his own brother Balon, which promptly get's him to be elected the ruler. Even in the only democratic society in the show, the man who kills the previous ruler get's to become king. But sadly, that does not last. Euron, or as he pronounces it, urine, divulges his plan to sail to the East and find Daenerys Targaryen. With his massive fleet, and her army, they can conquer all of Westeros.
However, fearing that Euron will have them murdered, which actually happens to be his first decree as king, Theon and Yara escape, taking much of the fleet with them. Somehow, they took nearly all the men of the Iron Islands, despite losing the popular vote in the election. It is unclear how Yara still has so many supporters.
Undeterred, Euron seeks rebuilt a fleet of a thousand ships, which, by the rate this show is going, will be done by the next episode. It is also interesting to think if Yara plans to steal Euron's plan. If so, it seems to make an alliance with Daenerys, they will need to be bound by marriage. Seeing as lesbian marriage isn't a thing there, will we see Theon being offered to Daenerys as a husband? I think that is a couple no one is shipping.
When he does, Dany will be waiting for him. Daenerys, now commanding the entire Dothraki army is finally set to head to Westeros. Unfortunately, all her wooden horses, or boats as you simpletons call them, were destroyed by the Suns of the Harpy. But, seeing as there are possibly two parties seeking her to offer their ships, it may not be a problem. But, will the Khaleesi be willing to work with a partner, or will her conquering ways see her murdering the Greyjoys to seize the ships for herself?